Stepkids trump anniversary plans is that normal? | Step Talk

This is my first entry I am new to this site but am glad I have found refuge and commonality with other people going through the trials of step parenting.

So my DH is gone over half the month due to his career. When he is home he works long hours so I don't really see him unless he has a day off. Maybe takes 5 of those a month max. If those days off fall on a weekend he will drive the 2 1/2 hours to get my SS and SD for the weekend. As you can see we are rarely alone. We also have our own BD. I have gotten used to being the bottom of the totem pole between DH's two jobs, ex-wife, and three children my needs are almost always last. He feels guilty about not being able to see SK more often due to the divorce, the distance, and his job. However, I wonder anymore if he feels bad about the lack of time with our BD let alone me.

Anyway, there is some background. So our third wedding anniversary was over a week ago and he completely forgot. He was out of town for work as usual and never remembered until I told him that night. He apologized and said it wouldn't happen again. When he got back we talked about going out to dinner and a movie this weekend for a belated anniversary celebration. Well, the next day after that conversation it's as if all is forgotten. His ex called him and said my SD has a soccer game and dance performance. He says we are going down to spend two nights where they live in a hotel so we can go to their events. Grant it we just did this same thing four weeks ago and spent $400 to go see them in there home town 2 hours away instead of them coming to our house for the weekend. So I am hurt and mad. Once again he forgot about our anniversary plans and SK were put over me. I understand they need him but I thought one weekend or even one night I could be the priority. He says he feels too guilty about being gone and not part of their life as much as he wants to. He said, "You think I should not see them so we can celebrate our anniversary? I didn't answer but I wanted to say, "Yeah, aren't I worth it? Is that so crazy!" I watch and take care of his kids whenever they are here in the summer and other visits. He is usually gone all day and overnight when they come in the summer so it's all me. Is it crazy to think I might want some time alone with my husband?" He said we will celebrate when he gets back from his next two weeks away. I will believe it when I see it. I'm also just pissed because we pay $1500 in CS and now will be paying another $1000 this month in gas, hotels, and food for everyone to go see them where they live with BM. Why even have a four bedroom house in a state thousand of miles from my home town if we aren't ever going to use it for them. That is why we live where we do versus in the west coast closer to both DH and mine parents. Of course, if I bring up money and the cost of SK he immediately retaliates with don't put a price tag on them how would you feel if you didn't get to see our BD very often. Ugh, it is always something. Guilt drives him and so does his manipulative ex. I am so sick of it and sad of feeling last place.

Am I justified in these feelings?...thoughts,please

Source: http://www.steptalk.org/node/84489

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